Huka and the Art of Smoking
Thursday, September 30, 2004

Here it was, my greatly-anticipated first date with that dusky mistress, Huka, and alas, I had some ... ahem ... performance issues. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

As a child, I remember being mesmerized by the rings of smoke my Grandfather would blow for me as he would pull on the hose of his huka. He was a smoker, and could almost always be found with a cigarette in his hand as he sat at the breakfast table, reading the Times Picayune in the predawn hours - before the rest of the household would rise and begin making demands on his time. I would pad-foot down the hall, roused by the single light in the kitchen and be lovingly, but disapprovingly greeted in his gruff manner by "look at the head on that nickel! Go back to bed boy, it's too early!" I always stayed though, mindful of the quiet he so loved and would refuse his offers of toast or juice, knowing that to make them for me would be an intrusion on his only personal time when the house was full of family. The only request I can remember making, was for him to get rid of the stinky cigarrettes and bring out the mysterious and fascinating huka instead. Unrepentant, as most smokers are, he would refuse to stub out his cigarette, but usually promised to bring down the porcelain-vased contraption later in the day for me to see. In the downstairs living room, he would later sit in his recliner, ornate hose held only slightly away from his mouth as he formed a silent "O" with his mouth that would roll in on its smoky self as it sailed toward the high ceiling. The huka would gurgle and glow as he would pull, his eyes focused on some distant memory as he performed the ritual at my request. Unlike the acrid, stinging smell of cigarrette smoke, the huka tobacco in the bowl always filled the room with the pleasant odors of fruit and honey.

There has been a resurgence of interest in the huka that has been growing for the last few years. Perhaps it is its exotic nature, or its claimed (but unproven, I should point out) reduction in health risks as compared to other tobacco use, that has seen a sudden rise in popularity on college campuses, and in cafés and clubs dedicated to its use. As a result, I have seen them with increasing frequency in the import shops that are usually tucked in remote corners of shopping malls. Among the incense burners and olive-wood carvings, onyx animal figures and assorted cloisine items gathering dust, there will be one or two poorly-made and ridiculously over-priced huka pipes. Regardless, I dutifully look them over, wanting them - then walking away dissatisfied.

I easily talked by brother-in-law into taking a trip to check out the recommended huka shops, as he was displaced by a bridal-shower taking place at his house, where he is the token male. He even readily agreed to do the driving. Unfortunately, at each of the shops in which we stopped, all the reasonably-priced hukas had been snapped up by the growing local market, leaving only the high-end, expensive models that even the shop-keepers suggested were not in my best interests. However, the hook was set, and I turned to the internet to satiate my sudden obsession. A quick google-search turned up so many options that I was truly surprised that it hadn't occurred to me to search it out that way before. Ultimately, I ordered a two-hose unit, social creature that I am, so I could easily share my newfound interest with my like-minded friends.

Eagerly, I brought my prize home, and following as best I could the directions I'd read online, set up my huka for its maiden voyage - only to immediately break the detachable bowl. Yet one more trip to buy a replacement, and I was finally ready to light the pipe and partake of the sweet smoke. Despite my adjustments and occasional tweaks to the setup, I could never really get the rich, thick smoke I was expecting. Flavor was nice, starting out with banana, but was thin and watery compared to the copious amounts of strong smoke I was accustomed to from my cigars. I could tell that there was supposed to be more, but my setup was somehow wrong, so I decided to try the mint. Results were slightly better, eventually coaxing more smoke from my huka, but still nowhere near what I was expecting.

At this point, I'm going to tackle this issue two ways:
1. I'm going to solicit advice from one or more of the online huka forums, and
2. I'm going to go "rent" a huka at one of the little cafés, to take note of the proper setup and perhaps get a more accurate set of expectations from my own pipe.

I'll let you know how it turns out.

posted by HeadCheese at Thursday, September 30, 2004